Taking it Easy: March 8, 2015

 This week was dominated by what will probably be our last big winter snow.  We spent one day pretty much snowed in, because it started to fall fast and thick at 8 am, right when preschool pickup and work commute and morning life was set to begin.  We stayed in and hunkered down instead, grateful for a fridge and pantry stocked with fresh food and a nice, warm house. 

 Our Sunday winter ritual is for Daddy to stay home with the sickies while Mommy takes the wellies to church.  We're going on about eight straight weeks of someone being just barely sick enough to stay home.  Pink eye, upset tummy, runny nose, every week something a bit different and dubiously contagious.  Today's temperature is a steaming 48 degrees.  The kids apparently couldn't take all the sunshine. 

Thanks to all of you who sent comments and well wishes for my last two posts.  Thank you for continuing to pray for my recovery.  March is probably going to be a lot harder of a month than February, which felt like new birth and looked like daily gains.  Now I'm finding I have to majorly adjust my expectations to avoid discouragement, just because so much improvement in such a short time is unsustainable.

Cushings has been called The Ugly Disease, which is ironically what I was calling whatever was happening to me before I was diagnosed.  It's hard to look in the mirror from month to month and look a little bit worse and not know why.  It's going to take patience and courage to continue to rest, take my meds, follow doctors' advice, and measure my progress in months instead of days.  I'm working right now on finding a state of joy and remaining in it, which is a pretty reliable measure of a low cortisol level.

Some things get better when you work hard at them, and some things get better if you just give them some time.  I've spent the last few years doing way too much of the former and not enough of the latter.  Just look at Devon's right hand holding the pen this morning!  For months I've been stressing about when he would designate right or left and worrying about lost time.  It was hard on my pride to be a former teacher and the parent of the only kid in his preschool class who couldn't write his full name legibly.  Now surprise!  He seems to have decided on right and shows an interest in tracing letters. 

 So this may be our only leftie in the family....

Just one more picture to illustrate the value of letting things go and giving them time instead of working harder.  For years I struggled so much at mealtimes to keep everyone fed and coax them to eat right.  My kids resisted healthy eating habits and embraced pickiness like it was their job.  I died a thousand deaths when I counted the days since I'd successfully gotten somebody to eat a vegetable or finish their milk.  I went through the 12 stages of dinnertime grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Begging, Pleading, Threatening Removal of Privileges, Wheedling, Whining, Praying, Bitterness, Resignation, and maybe finally a little Acceptance. 

Then I'd go on facebook and see a picture of somebody else's kid smiling and eating kale chips with a smug little caption: "Our little Green Mean Clean Eater!  Kids really do learn good eating habits when you feed them healthy food at home!"   I'd hit my forehead with my phone and dedicate myself anew to trying just a bit harder.

None of that did any good.  I wish I'd let go a lot sooner, and used mealtime to feed myself and model healthy eating habits as well as encourage my kids to eat healthy food.   If I had it to do over again, I'd make a big, healthy salad, eat it all myself, and understand that kids have control over what they put in their bodies.  I'd try to offer them foods in the healthy range and then trust that their eating habits would become healthy over a period of years, not weeks.

And now I have my own picture to post!  Lest you think I've gone over to the dark side, here is my entirely NOT SMUG CAPTION:

THERE IS HOPE!  Hang in there, mealtime warriors whose kids have refused to eat anything for a week but mashed potatoes and apple slices!  Try to relax, moms whose kids gag at the texture of avocado and quinoa!  One magical day you'll steam a head of broccoli and your kids will eat it ALL!  They'll eat asparagus tips like they've discovered a new hobby!  They'll eat the baby carrots instead of using them as an implement to scoop up hummus dip and suck it off!  I know you've had days when you think that the only green things they'll eat in their lifetimes will be popsicles and they'll get rickets and die young!  Sometimes healthy eating seems like a hopeless dream.  I've had those days too!  I'm probably going to have more of them again.  But not today!  Today we set a record of NINE broccoli trees eaten by one child at one meal!