Yes to Rest: March 1, 2015

Hey, guys!  It's good to be back!

I'm happy to report that I am feeling so, so much better.  February was truly the most healing and transformative month of my entire life, and it will take a separate post to fully explain what has been going on with my health and why we're so relieved and joyful that I am feeling well and mostly functioning at home.  Let's just say I've been really sick for a long time.  Thank you to all who have worried, prayed, and cried with me and over me as I've recovered.  Thanks to those who sent meals, offered housecleaning and babysitting, and were Jesus With Skin to our family as we were very scared and hurting.  I am so, so much better and am told I will recover slowly but continue to feel even better every month.

These past few months have been very transformative for our family, too.  Being sick made it necessary to radically evaluate our family life.  For a while, all our routines had to go away as my body systems were resetting.  We ate pancakes for dinner and chicken fingers for breakfast.  We watched Octonauts in our pajamas at 4 pm.  We forgot it was bath night, laundry day, shopping day, or time to pick up the toys.  At bedtime I sang to the girls from the Les Miserables soundtrack because I couldn't remember the words to "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star."  

My heart bled as I mourned the good things about our family.  Park outings.  Play dates.  Family Night at Chick-fil-A.  Games of hide-and-seek in the living room.  Cuddles and prayers in bed at bedtime.  But even as the good things all went away, lots of bad things went away, too.  Forty-five minute all-out wars to get Devon dressed for preschool in the morning.  Play afternoons with me rushing from child to child as they fought and hit and bit over the same toy as a thousand more interesting ones littered the floor.  Tense seven-minute mealtimes where I never sat down and didn't eat a bite because I was always refilling a milk glass or catching and disciplining someone.  The first hour of the day when all three generally woke up irritable and ready to compete for Mommy's attention by arguing over what they wanted to eat for breakfast.  The afternoon nap the girls took that pushed bedtime back to 9:30 many nights, making it impossible for Craig and I to have time together as a couple.

When everything was cleared away, new things started to grow.  Peaceful and pleasant mealtimes where we all sit and talk and enjoy healthy food.  Playroom hours where the kids play submarines while Mommy sits in the corner with her laptop and a cup of tea catching up on emails.  Luxurious cuddles in our bed as everyone slowly wakes up in the morning.  Devon helping to set the table for breakfast and getting Carrie a blue spoon because he knows it's her favorite.  Even as I needed peace and rest during this time, life suddenly became a lot easier.  Mommy began to smile again, feeling like I was enjoying being a mom more than ever.

In order to start healing I've had to radically reevaluate how I do parenting.  I have reset my expectations for what I expect to get accomplished in a day.  I revel in underachieving.  I skip a workout if I managed to do the laundry and vacuum the floors.  I sit with the kids as they watch a show, or better yet nap on the couch in the next room if I've had a bad night and am feeling tired.  I eat every three hours and don't let the kids steal my food off my plate or whine for me to get up and fix them a snack.  

A big part of my new approach and outlook has been to clarify my vision for my family by developing a mission statement.  We were encouraged to do this at our last MOPS meeting.  Right now, our mission as a family is to get healthy.  We say "NO" to things that don't enhance our mission as a family so we can say "YES" to things that do.  Parenting has never been so simple and life has never been so good.

We say YES to playing in the snow. We're thankful for a mild winter by comparison. 

The girls have been hard to coax outside, because their smaller hands don't keep gloves on very well and they get cold easily. 

Devon's been the adventurous one this year, Daddy's shoveling companion for the two big snows so far.

We say YES to random selfies.  Later on I find these surprises on my camera roll.

I get a glimpse of the world my kids live in while I'm in the shower or cleaning up breakfast.

We say YES to pancakes.  For over a month it was the only recipe I had enough brainpower and mental calm to attempt.  Thankfully it's a good one: eggs, oats, greek yogurt, and applesauce.

I go to the store and buy fresh fruits and vegetables, cheese, and lean cooked meat.  I fix plates of very simple healthy food and we eat.  My meals consist mostly of a huge plate of salad greens and chopped raw vegetables with some meat and cheese on top.

We say YES to swimming lessons.  The girls go to dropoff to play, and I sit in a deck chair with my feet up, watching intently as Devon participates. 

What a joy to see Devon blossom so much in just six short weeks!  From day one he listened well, followed directions, and seemed to enjoy the small class.

His instructor was truly a joy to work with and quickly became one of Devon's favorite people.  I couldn't stop snapping pictures.  He was even promoted past the first level in mid-session because he was much more advanced and followed directions better than the other participants.  Mommy's heart rejoices.  The hurt and angry places in my beautiful boy's heart are healing.  After a young life full of more change and instability than a little boy can take he's finally getting the message that he is safe and loved and important.  He doesn't have to hurt others to be noticed, and he can love and enjoy his family.

We say YES to snow days where nobody has to get dressed and do their hair.  YES to puzzles.  YES to cuddling the girls on my lap as I sit in a hard chair, something I haven't felt strong or stable enough to do in a few weeks.

We say YES to outings when the weather permits.  I think I'll remember Longwood Gardens as the first outing we took with the kids where all three were loose (no strollers, leashes, wagons, etc.).  Our three children walked alongside us, occasionally running up ahead or lagging behind but overall doing well.  We threw pennies in the conservatory fountain and paused for a snack.

We say YES to Chick-fil-A.  The girls were anxious to meet Anna and Elsa on Frozen movie night, but stayed in the booth when the moment arrived.

Devon, always a sucker for a pretty girl or a giant plush snowman, did the meet and greet with great style.

All three kids left the restaurant without complaint when it was time to go, balloons in hands, smiles on faces, and ice cream cone leftovers in a to go box that didn't make it home. 

We say YES to Saturday morning trips to the grocery store.  Day clothes optional. 

YES to the fun donuts.

YES to a Valentine's Day celebration.  When 7:30 pm rolls around, Daddy and Mommy say YES to putting the kids to bed and sitting on the couch with cups of tea in hand.  We watch videos together, talk about our days, and enjoy each other for who we are instead of what we bring to the table as parents. 

We say YES to a good night's sleep.  I don't roll out of bed early and get on the exercise bike if I have early morning insomnia.  I lie peacefully in bed, thinking about the day, praying for my family and friends, and just enjoying a quiet house.  The kids are all out of diapers and there are no beds to change.  The rare nightmare causes little feet to pat down the hall and a little body to curl up next to mine in bed, but we mostly sleep through the night now.

We say YES to buzz cuts because they're just plain easier than scissor cuts, although we hope that it grows out again to be a little longer by his birthday at the end of the month.  We say YES to mad Mommy-and Devon dates to Kohls to buy Hot Wheels, and to running back to the car in the falling snow.  We say YES to just one more stop even though it's coming down fast....

We get stuck at the end of our long, long driveway with a car full of Hot Wheels and groceries.  Two inches of forecast snow ended up being eight or more.

Daddy gets the shovel and goes to dig the car out, having to shovel most of the driveway to get it in because it's impossible to tell where to point the steering wheel in the blinding, flat white expanse of our yard.

We say YES to swimming, thankful that my body is no longer puffy and swollen from inflammation and I'm comfortable in a bathing suit again.

We say YES to a birthday party, one of our first from Devon's preschool class.

When Devon saw that other kids didn't get enough pinata candy, he took candy from his own bag and gave it to his friends. 

We say YES to the unbridled joy of an impulse purchase, even though Mommy was just at the store to use her coupon and buy a kitchen knife.  Come on, just look at those faces. 

Rest has never been so good, and so welcome after a year of fast and hard changes.  We're changing right now from a family with three babies to a family with three older kids.  I suppose this is how transitions will always happen in a family with all siblings sixteen months apart.  Phases of life are more intense, but they also go more quickly.  We're so excited to continue to pursue health as a family and looking forward to the new things we are able to do in our next phase of life together!!